Tether
by sinemoras09
Summary: Love above all else. Dark. Unrequited Kazuma/Bishamon. Background Bishamon/Ebisu.


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 _"But oh, my dear, I know what my heart wants of you,—it is not the things that other men can give."_

 _-Edna St. Vincent Millay_

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1.

It didn't surprise him when Veena told him she had fallen in love with Ebisu.

He had known it long before Veena even had: he had seen it in her eyes, the ghost of a smile when she thought Ebisu wasn't looking. The inexplicable shyness, the silences between them that were more telling than anything she would actually say. But now Veena sat in front of him fidgeting, confessing to him. "So," Veena said. Her eyes flicked upwards, searching his. "What do you think?"

She looked at him nervously, and if Kazuma didn't know any better, it was almost as if she were asking his permission. Kazuma sighed, pushing up his glasses.

"I think, so long as you are happy, Veena, I can't help but see this as a good thing."

"Are you sure?" Veena seemed to sit just a little bit straighter; he could see the giddiness dancing about her eyes. "The gods rarely get entangled with each other. If you think there could be consequences-"

"Of course there will be consequences," Kazuma said, gently. "The strongest war god has fallen in love with the god of merchantry. You may get some odd looks and a few disapproving lectures, but I think, all in all, this is a good thing."

Veena lunged forward to hug him, unable to contain the happiness she was feeling.

"I have never felt so light," Veena said. She held Kazuma tighter, squeezing him. "I've never had anyone who could understand me before, and Ebisu-"

She caught the look on Kazuma's face, because she pulled back slightly, and stopped. Kazuma smiled, reassuringly.

"Veena," Kazuma said. "I understand. Really, I do. I'm happy for you."

"Really?" Veena's face brightened.

"Really." Kazuma smiled.

xXx

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2.

There were two conditions in which a shinki could blight his master:

The first would be if a shinki committed an act he believed to be a grave sin. Kazuma had absolute confidence in himself. He never let himself doubt or think that anything he did for Veena was a sin.

The second would be from any emotional upheaval. Kazuma dealt with this the same way he dealt with everything else - with rigorous compartmentalization. His guilt for killing the Ma clan was tempered with his belief that he was right, and whatever feelings of love he harbored toward her could only be seen as a manifestation of his devotion.

He always knew his love would be unrequited. He never fooled himself otherwise. That particular trap of self-delusion, believing a god could return such feelings for him, was something best relegated to quiet fantasy. So it came as a surprise, then, the blow he took when Veena told him. Staring at his stack of papers, Kazuma struggled to maintain his composure.

"Is everything alright?" Veena asked. "My heart is hurting. Is something wrong?"

Kazuma looked at her, and considered his options: he could lie, he could tell her the truth, or he could say nothing. Kazuma tapped his stack of papers and looked at the clock, pointedly.

"You are going to be late for your date," Kazuma said. Veena glanced at the clock and frowned.

"Indeed, it appears I am," Veena said. She set down her pen, straightened her stack of papers.

"Kazuma," she called, just as Kazuma was starting to leave the room. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

Kazuma considered. "I am worried about you and Ebisu. There are prohibitions against the lucky gods falling in love and already the other gods are talking about you. I worry that I did not correctly advise you."

Veena smiled. "Ultimately it was my decision," she said. "The failings of your master are not your failings, Kazuma. Don't take everything so much to heart."

"I won't," Kazuma said.

"Are you sure that everything is okay?"

"It is," Kazuma said. He smiled. "Enjoy yourself, Veena."

She smiled back.

"I will."

xXx

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3.

There was a time she kissed him, once.

It was a few weeks after the slaughter of the Ma clan. Her wounds were mostly healed, but she still found great comfort sitting by him. Hundreds of names were ripped away from hers in an instant, but Kazuma's name remained a bright, shining constant. During bad days she would trace the mark on his hand with trembling fingers, the tears pricking her eyes as she'd lift his hand to kiss his mark. He didn't know what to do with her, then. Just watched her cry, suffering in silent agony.

"Will you stay with me?" she would ask. She didn't like to be alone, then. Silently Kazuma would kneel by her pallet while Veena would lay her head in his lap, and quietly he would card through her hair, stroking her scalp, gently. Sometimes she would fall asleep like this, her arms circling his thighs and her cheek pressed against his lap. Usually when this would happen, he would carefully remove himself from beneath her, gently placing her head on a pillow and quietly slipping through the rice paper door.

"Kazuma," she said one day, as he was gently laying her head back down on the pillow. "Will you hold me?"

"Bishamon-sama?"

Her eyes cracked open. She smiled at him, weakly.

"Please?" she said.

Silently he nodded, then gingerly laid down next to her.

All at once, she cupped her body against his, and the first thing that struck him was how soft she was. She fitted her body against the curve of his neck, and he could feel her warm breath fanning against his skin.

She was kissing his neck. It took a moment for Kazuma to process. She kissed his neck softly, rubbing her mouth against his collarbone and pressing her body against him.

Her eyes were half-lidded, bloodshot and glazed over, and when she kissed him, it was with fatigue and sorrow, lying heavily on top of his body. He didn't know what to do at first, but gradually hesitance gave way to something wetter, hungrier. He kissed her and he felt her hand sliding over the ponytail holding up his hair.

"Wait," Kazuma said. His voice was a ragged whisper. "Bishamon-sama. Wait. Wait."

"Please," she said. She kissed him open-mouthed, rocked her pelvis against that stiff knot of arousal that had hardened between them. "Please. I want you to touch me."

"Master," Kazuma said, and she reared up as if she had been struck. Whatever fog of half-sleep that had clouded her judgment lifted. Hesitantly, she unhooked her legs from around his hips, and Kazuma sat up, shakily, pulling a pillow over his lap. His chest was exposed and his ponytail had come undone, and his hair fell loosely over his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Veena said. She wasn't looking at him. "I was lonely and I wanted to touch you."

"I know," Kazuma said, quietly. "But Bishamon-sama. I don't want you to do something you'll later regret."

She closed her eyes, a single tear spilling. Dully she nodded and leaned against him.

"Thank you, Kazuma-kun," she said, softly. She rested her head back on his chest.

He never hated himself more than at that moment. He loved her. He wanted nothing more than to gather her close, kiss her eyes and brush back the tracks of her tears. But the fact remained, she was vulnerable and he was the one who betrayed her.

She fell asleep on his chest, her hand a loose curl against his shoulder.

xXx

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4.

Veena was bathing in the grotto, but there were a number of correspondences he needed to discuss with her, not to mention several items he had been juggling that needed her attention. He walked up to the grotto and rapped his knuckles along the screen.

"Bishamon-sama?" Kazuma stood outside the bamboo screens with a cursory politeness - there were other shinki about, it would not do well for them to see their exemplar walking in on their master. "I need to discuss a few things with you. May I have a word?"

"Oh, Kazuma. Just a minute," Veena said, and he heard the sound of water sloshing, Veena standing up and reaching for a towel.

"It isn't so important that you need to interrupt your bath," Kazuma said, but Veena pushed open the bamboo screen, wrapped up in a thick robe and toweling her hair.

"No, it's fine, what is it?" Veena said, and she clasped her hand over the neck of her robe.

She was covering herself. Kazuma blinked, surprised. She was never shy about exposing herself to him - indeed, Kazuma was fairly sure he's seen her naked more times than clothed.

"Is something wrong?" Veena said.

"N-no. It's just...I don't believe I've seen you wear that robe before."

Veena cocked her head, frowning.

"It is not important," Kazuma said, and he pushed up his glasses. "But I do need you to go over this report."

He handed her the sheaves of paper, which she leafed through, carefully.

"Oh," Veena said. "I'm sorry, Kazuma. But Ebisu and I had already taken care of this."

"You did?" Kazuma said.

Veena nodded. "Ebisu had suggested we reach out to Ookuninushi's branch shrines in Hawaii to see if they could lend their support. It turns out that guy has a lot of connections. We don't even have to worry about this, anymore."

"I see." Kazuma frowned. Usually he was the one bringing things to her attention, not the other way around.

She had a date that night. Kazuma had never seen her so excited. She fluttered around her bedroom, pulling out outfit after garish outfit, and after staring at the mirror for a long tortured minute, Kazuma let out a tragic sigh and deftly picked out a little black dress and laid it on the bed.

"Oh. Thank you, Kazuma," she said, and she folded the dress over her arm and went behind a screen to change.

Kazuma frowned. That was something new. Before, Veena had no qualms about getting undressed in front of him. It wasn't anything particularly special - Veena got undressed in front of everyone - but as he watched her silhouette pull off her suit jacket and blouse, he was struck with the sudden realization that perhaps he shouldn't be looking. Quietly he averted his eyes, keeping his gaze fixed at a neutral spot on the wall.

She came out with her dress half unzipped; Kazuma stepped behind her to zip her, wordlessly.

"Kazuma," Veena said, as she swept back her hair from behind her neck, exposing her back so he could zip her. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"

"Of course," Kazuma said. He gave her zipper a light tug. "What is it?" Veena smiled and opened her wardrobe.

"What do you think?" Veena asked, and she pulled out two pieces of lingerie - a barely-there black teddy and another sheer pink negligee. "Which one do you like better?"

"Uh," Kazuma said. "Perhaps this is something you should ask Ebisu."

"I wanted to surprise him," Veena said. Kazuma held his chin, thoughtfully.

The pink one was garish, see-through and trimmed with too many ribbons and gaudy lace. The black one, on the other hand, was simple. Soft, silk fabric, which would gently drape over her curves, the hem of the nightie stopping at the supple swell of her thighs.

"The black one," Kazuma said. He held up the nightie, decisively.

It didn't bother him that much, honestly. He was happy that she could still talk to him, could trust him enough to guide her and seek his advice. Even for something as personal as this, Kazuma thought, and he smiled quietly to himself.

A few weeks later, Kazuma ran into Veena and the goddess Benzaiten in the Near Shore, walking in and out of the lingerie department. "Oh, Kazuma," Veena said, and she smiled. "I thought it would be best to ask another god her opinion," she said, and she lifted the bag up, to show him. "I don't plan on troubling you with this nonsense anymore."

"It wasn't any trouble," Kazuma said, but Veena and Benzaiten-sama were already giggling amongst themselves, ignoring him.

Kazuma walked back alone.

xXx

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5.

He rounded the corner, walking briskly to her office, when he saw her hunched over the desk with Ebisu.

They were going over her wishes. Kazuma tucked his folders under his arm.

"Oh, Kazuma," Veena said, and she smiled. "That's quite alright. I don't need you today. Ebisu is helping me sort my wishes," Veena said. She smiled at Ebisu, fondly.

"Surely, you wouldn't want to trouble him with that," Kazuma said. He walked briskly around the desk, picking up her papers. "I'm sure Ebisu-sama has his own wishes he needs to attend to."

And then it hit him: Veena and Ebisu were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, and Kazuma was the only one standing in the middle of the large room.

"It's no trouble," Ebisu said. He smiled at Veena. "I'm always happy to help."

Veena smiled back at him, and Kazuma got the distinct feeling he was intruding on a private moment.

"Ah. Well please let me know if you need me," he said, and he gave a polite bow.

xXx

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6.

Maybe it was a holdover from when she was in mourning, but Veena had always seemed to be touching him. They would be talking and her hand would rest lightly on his forearm, or gently tap him on the shoulder while she was speaking, for emphasis. Sometimes, she would lean heavily against him, the thick cord of her hair brushing lightly over his skin.

Kazuma relished those touches; he was the only one she touched like this. Sometimes she would catch his gaze and she would smile at him, and his heart would swell in his chest, and he would be riding that wave for days.

She didn't touch him anymore, and he knew it was a conscious effort. Sometimes she slipped and gently would touch him on the forearm, but she would catch herself, jerking her hand back and clearing her throat, pointedly.

"Sorry," Veena said, sheepishly. They were going over a few expense reports, and Veena had accidentally leaned into his shoulder. "Now that I'm with Ebisu, it just occurred to me how often I manhandle you."

"You know I don't mind," Kazuma said. He watched her brush the tips of her fingers against the nape of her neck, self-consciously.

They walked alone in the garden. Now that she was with Ebisu, it was rare to find time alone with her like this, but Ebisu had gone to shore a few days earlier and Kazuma had taken the opportunity to catch up. "You seem happy," Kazuma said, and Veena smiled at him, brightly.

"It's been nice," Veena said, and she shyly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I've been alone for so long, it's nice to finally have some companionship. You have no idea what it's like, being cooped up here with no one to talk to. It's so nice to have someone to finally share my burdens with."

Kazuma stopped. Veena turned.

"Kazuma?"

"Veena, I'm sorry...did you say you had no one to talk to? Because I hope you know you could always talk to me."

"I know, Kazuma, and I'm grateful. But there are things only another god can know," Veena said, and she looked out into the horizon, thoughtfully.

"You don't know the things people wish for. Greed and envy, desire and despair. We bear the burden of having to balance it all," Veena said, and the wind stirred, gently. "Only another god can really understand."

Kazuma's voice was quiet when he spoke. "I'd like to think that I can understand," he said. Veena glanced back at him.

"Of course, Kazuma," she said. She smiled at him, benevolently.

Increasingly, he found himself walking alone along the garden path. Normally, Veena would be accompanying him, and they would be discussing the various odds-and-ends of her godship. But she was out with Ebisu now, and Kazuma found himself wandering the garden mostly out of habit.

" _Kazuma-san._ " Kuraha was in his lion form; he gave him a short nod as Kazuma returned back to the manor. " _I take it you were walking with our lady?_ "

"Not today, Kuraha. Bishamon-sama was out with Lord Ebisu."

" _Oh, I see_." Kuraha's tail swished, lazily.

" _It has been quite a change, hasn't it? I've never seen our lady look so happy._ "

"Neither have I," Kazuma said, and he smiled. "I have long wished for Veena to relax and think of herself, for a change, but thankfully Ebisu-sama brings out that side of her. I no longer have to worry."

" _I'm glad that you approve. Truly, the lady relies on Ebisu-sama the way she used to rely on you._ "

"'Used to'?" Kazuma said. Kuraha shook his mane.

" _Er, my apologies, Kazuma-san! Sometimes in my lion form, my words often escape me. I only meant to say that they seem comfortable. Like a pair of well-worn shoes._ "

"Or two fishermen sitting at the pier," Kazuma said. Kuraha looked up at him, quizzically.

"Nothing," Kazuma said. "It was just an observation." He thought of the ease with which Veena and Ebisu ate lunch together, the easy laughter and the warm silences between them.

Veena no longer confided in him. He understood: there was only so much a shinki could advise her on. While he shared most of Veena's worries, he was not privy to the wishes of humans, nor did he have firsthand knowledge of the stress of having to balance them. He wasn't a god, unlike Ebisu. He understood, he truly understood.

And yet...

And yet, in his heart of hearts, Kazuma had been happy when Veena shared her worries with him. They had been close once; he had been a source of comfort to her. Steadily that all changed, as Veena spent more and more time with Ebisu.

xXx

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7.

There was a slight discoloration at the side of Veena's neck. Kazuma's powers of observation never failed him, and as they sat through another long meeting, his gaze zeroed in on that telltale mark hiding just beneath her collar.

Broken blood vessels, capillary damage. Dermal discoloration from the accumulation of old blood. A suction wound, applied with the slightest bit of pressure, just the right amount of force. A hickey, Kazuma realized, and he shifted his gaze back to his report.

Did Ebisu give that to her? Kazuma's grip on his paper tightened. Where else did he kiss her? What else on her body had Ebisu touched?

Veena let out a shocked gasp, and the shinki in the room lifted their heads. "Ane-sama?"

Veena rubbed her neck, wincing. "Don't worry," Veena said. "I probably just slept wrong. It was just a slight pinch. Nothing to be worried about."

Kazuma stared at his hands, silently berating himself.

He had never felt jealous before. But increasingly, he found himself drawn to Veena's room, listening for the soft furtive sounds that would betray their lovemaking. He never heard anything. He never let himself stay long enough to.

What would it feel like, pushing up into her? Scissoring her legs open and moving inside of her?

He kept thinking about that time when she kissed him. If he could do it over, he would kiss her. Would roll her onto her back and drag his mouth across her hot skin. He would kiss her face and the sides of her eyes, would kiss her nipples and softly lick her sex. He would slide up inside her with one smooth stroke, kissing her softly and whispering how much he loved her.

That night, Kazuma stood in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at his reflection. His face was pale and his eyes were rimmed with dark circles, but when he undressed, there were no signs of blight on his body.

But the fact remained, he stung Veena. He knew he was starting to lose his control.

xXx

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8.

Kazuma was getting supplies from the Near Shore when he heard Yato calling out above him.

"Yo, Kazuma!" Yato said. He was standing on top of a telephone pole. "That stupid skank makin' you do more errands?" He hopped down and landed in front of him. "O-oi," Yato said, rearing back. "What's wrong?"

Kazuma was surprised, because on the outside, he was fairly sure he looked unchanged. It was funny: Yato could read Kazuma's moods as well as Kazuma could read Veena's, despite the fact that they didn't have a formal connection. Reflexively, he touched the name on his hand, the piece of Veena's life force tethering him.

"Nothing," Kazuma said, because he was tired and he didn't feel like explaining. "I'm in a bit of a hurry, so I can't really stay and talk that long."

Yato frowned. "This wouldn't have anything to do with that pervy woman dating Ebisu, right?"

Kazuma stopped. "How did you-"

"Yukine saw them making out on the sofa." Yato wrinkled his nose. "He said you were so upset you had to go into another room."

Kazuma remembered exactly what Yato was talking about: Yukine had come over to study again, and Kazuma was tutoring him. They had gone into the office to get more supplies when they accidentally walked in on Veena and Ebisu.

"I didn't think I was that upset," Kazuma said, honestly.

"Oh boy," Yato said, and he fished out his bottle of 5 yen coins and dragged Kazuma to the nearest convenience store.

xXx

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The beer from the store was cheap but cold, and Yato cracked open his can with relish. They didn't say anything, at first. It was only until Yato glanced at Kazuma, who was still turning the can over in his hands, that Yato brought it up again:

"So, you crying over your pillow at night, or what?" Yato said. Kazuma snorted.

"Nothing so maudlin, I assure you."

Yato took a drink. Kazuma swirled his beer, thoughtfully. "You know, Yato, it is entirely possible for a man to love someone without expecting anything in return," Kazuma said. "Ebisu makes Veena happy. So long as that's the case, then I'm happy too."

"Tch. Yeah right," Yato said, and he took a swig. "You've been mooning over her for centuries! What did I tell you? You shoulda said something to her earlier!"

"Somehow it seems you're more upset about this than I am," Kazuma said. Yato waved his hand.

"Oi, no offense to Ebisu, but you got a couple centuries over him dealing with her crap. You should've at least taken a shot. I bet if you said something she probably would've reciprocated."

"Well. That ship has sailed now, hasn't it?"

Kazuma took a sip. Yato stared at him, frowning.

"You okay?" Yato said.

"I am as okay as I can allow myself to be," Kazuma said. Yato cocked his head.

"I don't want to sting her," Kazuma clarified.

They stared silently at their beer.

"I get jealous, sometimes," Kazuma admitted. His hands took the form of the beer can, circling the cold aluminum, carefully. "Sometimes, I go to her room to spy on them."

He half expected Yato to make fun of him, but Yato didn't say anything. He just traced the rim of his beer, knitting his brow in concentration.

"Yo, Kazuma. I could, you know...I could cut your ties for you." Yato circled his drink, thoughtfully. "You'd still have your memories, you know. You'd still be a hafuri, but I could make it so those feelings won't be there anymore."

"I don't think I would want that," Kazuma said. "These feelings are troublesome, but they're still mine. I just need to better manage them."

"Tch. You're just waiting to see if they break up, aren't you?" Yato said. Kazuma smiled.

"Give me a little more credit than that, Yato," Kazuma said, and he turned his gaze upwards.

"I'm still her guide. I just have to learn how to share her with Ebisu, is all."

xXx

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9.

It was hard feeling lonely, when it was just the two of them. Though he had firmly denied a physical relationship, the two of them shared intimacies beyond a physical level.

"You should just tell her already," Yato told him, once. It was after his exile and his confession to her, and Kazuma was still reeling from the fact that she had somehow forgiven him. "You already told her about the Ma clan, right? So why don't you just come clean and tell her the rest of it, too?"

"What good would that do?" Kazuma said. He stared quietly at his hands.

"Telling her would only complicate things. I already know that I'm not worthy of her."

xXx

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10.

The mansion was surprisingly quiet when Kazuma returned to Takamagahara. Opening the doors, he walked down the empty corridor, silently scanning the periphery for other shinki. His scanning ability was always on; it was always active, always working, and immediately his mind latched onto the fact that the others were all in the conference room, sitting in on a meeting.

 _Something happened_ , his mind chanted, and his footsteps quickened into a run. _Something happened. There's something wrong-_

"Veena, what-" Kazuma opened the door, surprised to see Veena at the head of the table. The other shinki of her team looked up at him, surprised.

"Oh, Kazuma," Veena said, and she smiled at him. "Ebisu had a good idea for increasing our marketability. I wanted to meet with everyone while the idea was still fresh. You've been trying to get me to the center of the Lucky Seven, right?"

"You...why are you having a meeting without me?" Kazuma said.

Kinuha and Kuraha glanced at each other. Veena frowned.

"Is there something wrong?" Veena said.

"I-" Kazuma ran his hand in his hair. "I thought something had happened. I thought there was an emergency." His demeanor was calm, but he couldn't hide the edge in his voice.

"No. I just wanted to tell everyone," Veena said. "I was going to talk to you later, after you got back."

"You couldn't wait for me?" Kazuma said, but he quickly got a hold of himself. "Forgive me, Bishamon-sama," Kazuma said, and he bowed. "I just thought you'd want to discuss it with me, first."

"Well, Kazuma, we're discussing it now. If you want to pull up a chair, you're more than welcome to join us."

Akiha and Kinuha scooted, making room for him. With all the dignity he could muster, Kazuma tried to wedge himself between them, but found he didn't have enough space; he ended up sitting with the chair scooted back toward the wall, just away from the edge of the table.

His mind's eye worked. From a top-down perspective, everyone sitting at the table was lined up perfectly. Everyone except Kazuma, who was apart from the others and sticking out like a sore thumb.

"Kazuma?" Veena said, as everyone filed outside. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Kazuma said. He smiled ruefully. "Really, Veena. I was just surprised. You usually talk to me first before you announce any policy changes to the others."

"I didn't think I had to," Veena said. She smiled apologetically. "Ebisu is a very successful businessman, after all."

He walked her back to her bedroom, because he knew she felt guilty about excluding him from the meeting, and he knew his presence was comforting to her. Silently Veena walked behind the screen and began changing out of her uniform, and Kazuma kept his eyes respectfully lowered, waiting until she stepped back from behind the screen.

She was dressed simply, sitting on her bed and brushing her hair. Kazuma liked her best like this, when she was stripped down from all the excess of her godhood. Kazuma smiled. When it was just the two of them, she used to dress like this; a simple skirt and blouse, her hand on his arm, walking with him.

"What are you thinking?" Veena asked.

"Nothing in particular," Kazuma said. "I was just wondering if you'd like to take a walk?"

"Oh," Veena said. She set down her brush. "I actually already made plans with Ebisu."

Kazuma lowered his eyes. He had already suspected as much, but it didn't hurt to ask.

"I am going to the Near Shore later to get supplies for the household. If you have time after visiting him, it would make me very happy if you would accompany me."

"I-" Veena knitted her fingers, unsure.

"Kidding," Kazuma said, and Veena let out a laugh, relieved.

"For a moment I thought you were missing me," Veena said.

"Well. Maybe a little," Kazuma said, and he smiled, reassuringly. "But generally it's hard to miss someone when you're with them most hours of the day."

"Ebisu did say we were pretty glued to the hip," Veena said.

"You talk about me?" Kazuma said. He stepped around the table and sat carefully on the chair next to her bed.

"Ah, sometimes." She smiled. "It's hard not to talk shop, you know."

 _Talking shop_. A modern colloquialism. Of course Veena would associate Kazuma with her work. He couldn't decide if that hurt him or bolstered him. "What do you talk about?" Kazuma asked.

"Oh, nothing much," Veena said. "Just how you're very efficient at running my household. Ebisu's household is much more chaotic. Iwami is a good lead, but he isn't a very good butler."

Kazuma arched an eyebrow. "And I take it you think of me as your butler, then?"

"What? Heavens, no." Veena laughed. "You're more like the manager that runs this house."

Kazuma pushed up his glasses, frowning.

"I meant that as a compliment," Veena said. Her smile slipped a notch. "Kazuma what's wrong?"

"Wrong?" Kazuma looked up. Veena touched the center of her sternum, quietly.

"I feel a slight pain in my chest. I insulted you, didn't I?"

Kazuma looked at his hands.

"Veena," he began, and he hesitated. "Veena have you...have you always thought of me that way? Because at one time I thought we were closer than this," Kazuma said.

"Kazuma," Veena said. Kazuma shook his head.

"It isn't that important," Kazuma said. He smiled, ruefully. "You've been spending so much time with Ebisu lately, I can understand why Aiha was so jealous of Tsuguha."

Veena gave him a worried look. She started to speak, but there was a light knocking on the door.

"Bishamon? Are you ready?" Ebisu poked his head in. "Ah, Kazuma-kun. Bishamon, I beg your pardon. I didn't know you had an audience."

"I was just leaving," Kazuma said, and he stood, pushing back the chair.

"Kazuma, wait," Veena said, and she touched Kazuma on the arm. She smiled at Ebisu apologetically.

"Unfortunately I have some errands to run with my exemplar," Veena said. "Is it alright with you if I take a raincheck?"

Kazuma reddened. "Bishamon-sama, this is unnecessary. I am quite capable of going to the Near Shore by myself," Kazuma said.

"Ebisu, you don't mind, do you?" Veena said. Ebisu smiled and shook his head.

"Not at all," Ebisu said. He nodded his head toward Kazuma. "Enjoy your date with your hafuri. I think it'd be good for you two to spend some time alone."

"I couldn't agree more," Veena said, smiling. Kazuma blushed and stared heatedly at the floor.

xXx

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Nighttime in the Near Shore was fraught with many dangers. Wandering phantoms and broken spirits roamed the grounds, unimpeded. But they tended to congregate in higher populated areas, in cities and streets where there were many people.

For now they were safe. There weren't many phantoms near the park by Veena's shrine. And there weren't any signs of an impending storm.

"You don't have to come down here because you feel sorry for me," Kazuma said. His footsteps echoed down the street as he walked, a few Near Shore denizens walking past them. "I told you already, Veena. I'm quite capable of negotiating the Near Shore by myself."

"It's been awhile since I've spent time with you." Veena grinned at him. "Feeling sorry for you has nothing to do with it."

"Really? Because I am fairly certain that is the case." Couples walked around them, talking softly. Kazuma frowned. "Veena. You do realize pity dates are quite offensive, correct?"

"It's a nice night outside, isn't it?" Veena said. She looked up at the sky, smiling. Kazuma sighed.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Rhetorical questions aren't meant to be answered, Kazuma. Unless my understanding is wrong."

She smiled at him. "Relax," Veena said. She shook him playfully by the elbow. "I'm here. You wanted me to come with you, right?"

He let himself give her a small smile. "It's a wonder you aren't making Ebisu jealous, the way you're carrying on with me like this."

"Ebisu knows we have a working relationship," Veena said. "Have you ever heard of the term 'work husband,' Kazuma? Iki Hiyori taught me that one. It's when you have a close relationship with someone at work."

"I would like to think what we have is more than that." Kazuma glanced at the street in front of him. Veena impulsively squeezed his hand.

"You _are_ jealous," Veena said, wickedly. Kazuma glared. "Oh c'mon, Kazuma. Don't tell me you dislike the idea of your master having a little fun."

"I don't remember you teasing me so much," Kazuma said, sourly. Veena smiled and hugged his arm.

"I can't help it. Ever since I've been Ebisu I've been much more happy." She looked up at the sky, at swath of stars and the sliver of moon above them.

"Kazuma," Veena said. "Have you ever thought about getting yourself a girlfriend?"

Kazuma snorted. Veena stepped around to look at him, blocking his path. "Well?"

"I don't have the luxury to think about those things," Kazuma said.

"Oh come off it, Kazuma. Isn't there a girl you like? Someone you can talk to?"

"There was," Kazuma said, quietly.

"And?"

"And she's currently seeing someone else."

"Who is she? A human? Another shinki?"

"Actually, she's a god." Kazuma smiled at her, sadly.

"Now you're just making fun of me," Veena said. Kazuma sighed.

"You are the one who started it, by probing into my nonexistent love life."

"If you weren't so busy looking at those filthy comics, you might actually meet someone," Veena said.

They were walking close; suddenly he was overwhelmed with the urge to lean against her, to let his fingers brush against the backs of hers. Silently he tightened his hand into a fist, and kept a measured distance.

Sometimes, in rare moments of weakness, Kazuma would imagine what it would be like to hold her. To kiss her close and gather her up in his arms. He had held her before - back in the early days, after the slaughter of the Ma clan - but he had been too wracked with guilt and too busy torturing himself not to think of it to enjoy it, the feel of her body cupped against his. If they were in a relationship, he would let his hand fall to the small of her back, brush back the hair from her neck and press a quick kiss to the side of her cheek. She would laugh as she would tease him, and he would circle his arm around her around the waist and smile into her hair.

"Kazuma?" Veena glanced back at him. "What are you thinking?"

"I was just thinking of what it'd be like in a relationship," Kazuma said, mildly. Veena smiled kindly.

"Veena," Kazuma began, and he hesitated. "Do you remember that time when you kissed me, before?"

"I do," Veena said. She gave him a troubled glance. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just thinking, if we had gone through with it...if I hadn't stopped you that night. What do you think would have become of us?"

"I probably would have regretted it," Veena said. "You told me that as much, yourself."

He did tell her that. Kazuma remembered.

"Actually, I think that was the very first time you advised me." Veena's face brightened. "That was the moment I knew I could trust you. You always knew when to stop me from making such foolish mistakes."

"You were troubled," Kazuma said. "I didn't want to take advantage of you."

Their footsteps echoed in the empty street. Streetlamps flickered above them, and Veena narrowed her eyes, looking out into the dark.

"We should probably head back," Veena said. "The hour is late and there are phantoms about."

"You're right." Kazuma looked around, nodding. "Thank you for accompanying me, Veena."

"It was my pleasure, my Kazuma," she said, and suddenly he remembered:

He always had her name. No matter what happened between them, the name she gave him was their one constant. Veena may have many lovers, but he would always be her blessing. He was her Kazuma. And that would be enough for him.

 _How could I have been so foolish?_ he thought, and he smiled to himself. The pain in his heart had practically healed.

"Kazuma," Veena said, when they returned to Takamgahara and walked back into her room. "There is something I've been meaning to ask you."

Kazuma's heart swelled. Of course. No matter what happened, Kazuma was still Veena's most trusted advisor. It had been so long since Veena had asked him for advice, his happiness was practically bursting through his chest.

"What is it?" Kazuma asked. If he had any less self-control, he would run up to her and hug her. He missed how they used to talk like this. "It must be something serious, if you can't even ask Ebisu about it."

"Well, that's just the thing," Veena said, and her eyes flicked upwards, shyly.

"I'd like for Ebisu to give you a name," Veena said.

And she smiled softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

xXx

.

11.

After the massacre, Veena couldn't bring herself to call Kazuma's name again. There was no point, really. He was a nail, but his abilities stayed with him, regardless of whether he was in human form or not. Decades passed before she called Kazuma's name again, and only then it was because he had asked her to.

"Why?" Veena asked. She was bending over the river, helping him wash a pile of clothes. "It's just the two of us. Why on earth would you want to be a nail?"

"It has been a long time," Kazuma said. He scrubbed the cloth over a rock, pushing down on the fabric. "I am starting to forget what it feels like."

She set down her washing, looking at him, thoughtfully.

"All right," she said, and she wiped her hands. " _Chouki_."

And they had expected him to slice into a ray of light, delicately slipping into her ear.

Except that wasn't what happened. She called his name, and all of a sudden there was a torrent of brightness, the raw power of her life force billowing around them. Kazuma the nail hung in slow suspension, turning slowly until he transformed, the pink petals of a sakura blossom gleaming in her hand.

" _V-Veena?_ "

"You transformed." Veena stared, awestruck, holding Chouki the earring between her thumb and index finger. "Kazuma you were a nail before."

Kazuma was also shocked. At the time, he didn't know that by asking for Yato's help, he was risking his name. He didn't know that that act that betrayed Veena also made him her hafuri. All he knew was that Veena kept holding him, twirling the small stud gently between her fingers.

"Return, _Kazu_ ," Veena said, and she laughed and threw her arms around him, making him stagger back with the force of her weight.

"No one has ever changed for me, before," she said. And she looked at him as if she wanted to kiss him, their faces close and her hand reflexively reaching to cup his cheek.

"I didn't even know," Kazuma said, smiling. He had never felt so happy. She laughed at him, delighted, tenderly touching the side of his cheek.

"You're my blessing," she said softly, and she hugged him. "I knew it. I always knew it. Kazuma is the only one I need."

xXx

.

A knife to the gut. That's what it felt like. Kazuma clamped down savagely on his heart, which threatened to fracture and shatter into a thousand pieces. He struggled hard to maintain control.

"Ebisu has long since been wanting a hafuri," Veena said. "And with your particular talents, I thought that you could be of use to him."

"You...you want to give me to him?" His voice was quiet.

"I wanted to share you." Veena blinked. Suddenly she looked unsure. "Ebisu is so hapless, and I just thought...I just thought that you could help him. I didn't think that you would mind," Veena said.

"If that is what you wish," Kazuma said.

"We don't have to if you don't want to," Veena said. Kazuma looked at her with tortured eyes.

"I'm sorry," Veena said. She clasped Kazuma's hand. "That was thoughtless of me. You're my hafuri. I shouldn't have even considered-"

"No, Veena, forgive me," Kazuma said, and he offered her a smile. "I'm just your shinki. You can use me as you see fit. It just took me by surprise, is all."

"Kazuma-"

"I need to take a walk," Kazuma said. "There are a few things I need to see to at the Near Shore and I didn't have a chance to review things properly."

"It's late, the witching hour's long since passed," Veena said.

"I won't be long, I assure you."

He couldn't look at her. His throat was tight. The smile on his face was forced, hurting him.

"Bishamon," Ebisu stepped into the room. "I heard voices. Is something wrong?"

"I-" Veena turned to look at Ebisu. Kazuma left swiftly, striding past Ebisu and walking out the door.

xXx

.

12.

He walked alone in the Near Shore, agitated and unable to calm himself. It was past midnight now, and there were ayakashi lumbering in the park across from him.

" _Smells good_."

Kazuma lifted his eyes. The ayakashi drooled, hungrily.

" _Smells good. Smells good_."

He could kill them all with one well-placed line, could barricade himself if he had to. Dully, Kazuma lifted his eyes and watched as the ayakashi lumbered toward him.

Did it matter? Would it matter? Veena no longer needed him.

 _But the others still needed his guidance._ A feeble attempt to justify his existence. Silently he did a quick calculation in his head, and realized that Kuraha had more than enough seniority to take his place.

 _But this could hurt Veena_. His mind spun. No. No, that wasn't quite true. He would most certainly hurt Veena as he was now; blight could be fatal, but the loss of a name rarely was.

Besides that: she had Ebisu to support her.

A tear dripped. He smiled.

"SEKKI!"

Kazuma jerked his head upwards. Yato leaped forward, a whirling dervish slicing through the air.

"Y-Yato-"

The Ayakashi screamed, then exploded in a starbust of light. Yato grabbed Kazuma by the collar and shoved him against the telephone pole.

"Teme!" Yato said. He yanked Kazuma by the collar. "The fuck were you tryin' to pull?! You were tryin' to off yourself, weren't you?!"

"Of course not!" Kazuma snapped. He slapped Yato's hand away from his collar and pushed up his glasses, glaring. "I was merely testing my capacity! What good are lines if you can't draw them at the last minute? I could have slayed them easily if you hadn't interfered!"

"That's some pretty good bullshit you're spinning there, Kazuma. It's no wonder you hid from that stupid psycho for so long!"

" _Oi, Yato! Knock it off! He said he was practicing his lines,_ " Yukine said.

"That ain't how you're supposed to practice, _Yukine,_ " Yato said, and Yukine zapped out of his hand and appeared next to him. "Go back to Kofuku's. I need to talk to this guy alone."

"But Yato-"

" _Go_ ," Yato said.

Yukine threw a worried glance at Yato, then at Kazuma.

"It's fine, Yukine," Kazuma said. "Listen to Yato." Yato crossed his arms and glared.

"Testing your capacity, huh?" Yato said, after Yukine left. He circled Kazuma, warily. "'Cuz where I'm standing, it looks like you were trying to kill yourself. But what am I saying? You're not stupid enough to do something like that. Right, Kazuma?"

Kazuma didn't say anything.

" _Right?!_ "

Kazuma's jaw tightened. He stared heatedly at the ground.

"You're probably stinging her like crazy, you know that right?" Yato's eyes flicked upwards, meeting his.

"All the more reason you shouldn't have interfered," Kazuma said. He didn't look at him. Yato's eyes widened.

"Teme! Don't tell me-"

"A shinki is a vessel that's meant to be used," Kazuma said. "But Veena no longer has use for me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Yato said. "You're her hafuri vessel, you're Bishamonten's blessing! Just because she's with Ebisu doesn't mean she doesn't need you!"

"Funny you should mention that," Kazuma said. "She wanted to give me to him."

"What?" Yato said. He took a step back, staring at him. "Oh, shit," Yato breathed. He ran his hands through his hair.

"That stupid bitch!" Yato said. "What the hell was she thinking?"

"It is her right," Kazuma said. "I'm the only one at fault. There's only so much a shinki can understand about the burdens of godhood, but arrogantly, I thought I was the exception."

His hand tightened into a fist. The brand of his name was shaking.

"I tried," Kazuma said. "I tried to compartmentalize it. I tried not to think about it, like I usually do. But I can't. I can't and I thought this would be for the best-"

"Since when is getting eaten by a phantom for the best?!" Yato said.

"Because the pain of losing a shinki is transient, and getting blighted can be fatal."

Yato stared at him, incredulously. Kazuma was standing in front of him, calmly and quietly. His control was perfect. He might as well have been talking about the weather.

Yato gaped at him, horrified.

"We're cutting your ties," Yato said. "I'll get Yukine. We're cutting your ties, _now_."

"Don't," Kazuma said.

"Why?" Yato said. Kazuma couldn't look at him. "Because you've been mooning over that stupid chick for the last few centuries? Because you're a fucking masochist? The hell are you suffering like this, for?!"

"Because I'm human, Yato," Kazuma said, quietly.

"And my feelings for Veena are the only thing I have."

xXx

.

"Kazuma!" Veena ran to the gate and threw her arms around him. "Kazuma, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Kazuma said, and he relished the feel of his arms around her waist, his cheek against the slope of her shoulder.

"Bishamon," Ebisu said, and Kazuma looked up, saw Ebisu jogging behind them. "Is everything okay?"

Quietly, Kazuma pulled away from Veena's grasp. Veena glanced back at Ebisu, wringing her hands.

"Go," Ebisu said. "I understand you need to speak with him. Just let me know if you need me."

"Thank you," Veena said, and Kazuma stared heatedly at the ground.

xXx

.

They walked in the garden. It was nighttime in Takamagahara, but unlike the Near Shore, the dark sky above them was clear, placid. The crescent moon hung like the curve of a scythe, and the swath of sky was dotted with tiny stars.

Neither of them spoke. Around them, there was nothing but the soft night sounds of insects chirping. Kazuma stared at the path in front of him and focused on the textures and shapes of things in the darkness, ignoring the gathering warmth that was filling the back of his eyes.

"Kazuma." Veena took his hand. Kazuma looked up, startled. Her hand was warm and the pad of her thumb pressed into the center of his palm.

"I'm so sorry, Kazuma," Veena said, and she hugged him. "I didn't understand how horrible that was, suggesting that Ebisu give you a name. You're my precious, precious Chouki, and I didn't mean to make you think otherwise."

"No, Veena. It isn't that." Kazuma took a breath and pulled away, wiping his eyes.

"Then what is it?" Veena said. She looked up at him, concerned. Kazuma smiled.

"You don't talk to me anymore," Kazuma said.

"What?" Veena said, bewildered. "What do you mean, Kazuma? We talk together all the time-"

"That isn't true," Kazuma said, quietly. "Not since you've started seeing Ebisu."

The wind stirred, moving the few loose strands of Veena's hair over her face. She looked at him, worried. Kazuma turned.

"The fact is, Veena. You used to be able to confide in me. I understand that you have Ebisu-sama now, and that there are things only two gods can share. And I am happy for you that you found someone. I know how hard it can be, suffering alone."

He reached out, pushed back a strand of hair from her face. Silently he let his hand trail down the side of her arm, before gently grasping her hand in his. It was the same hand she had held out to him earlier. Quietly he laced his fingers around hers.

"I love you," Kazuma said. "I've always been in love with you. I know it's selfish of me, telling you this now, but please be assured I'm happy for you. I only want what's best for you, and I know that Ebisu is a blessing. But I am having trouble..." he closed his eyes. "I am having trouble managing this."

"But you haven't hurt me," Veena said. Kazuma shook his head.

"I know. And that is why there is something of you I must ask.

I'm asking you to release me." Kazuma's voice was soft. He tightened his hand around hers, quietly. "I want to be able to grieve."

Veena looked at him. Her eyes were tinged with grief.

"You're my Chouki," Veena said. "You've always been by my side."

"I know," he said, and he lowered his head. He started to cry, silently.

"I'm sorry, Veena," Kazuma said. "Am I hurting you?"

"It's okay," she said. She pressed her forehead against his, then hugged him tightly. He sobbed quietly against her shoulder, and it was only after a moment that he realized she was crying, too.

If fate weren't cruel, he would kiss her. Would press his lips to her mouth and eyes, would fan his thumb across her cheek and wipe her tears. He would kiss her and hold her and tell her how much he loves her, and she would look at him and know - that the one she was supposed to be with has always been beside her.

But fate was cruel, and with difficulty, they separated. He looked at her and thought perhaps this would be the last time he would see her. Her eyes were red. Her hair was falling in pieces. She was hurting again, and it was all because of him.

" _Chouki_ ," she said, and the name on his hand lifted. She crossed her fingers into a halberd, drew a slash through the mark of his name.

"I hereby release you, Chouki," Veena said, and the mark of his name shattered. Kazuma blinked his eyes and silently covered his hand.

xXx

.

That night, Veena cried on Ebisu's lap, while Ebisu stroked her hair, quietly.

"So?" Yato said, when Kazuma made his way back to Kofuku's. "How'd it go?"

"I don't have a name anymore."

Yato didn't say anything, just watched as Kazuma made his way to the back of the storage room, where the spare futon was unrolled.

xXx

.

 _"We're cutting your ties," Yato said. "I'll get Yukine. We're cutting your ties,_ now _."_

 _"Don't," Kazuma said._

 _"Why?" Yato said. "Because you've been mooning over that stupid chick for the last few centuries? Because you're a fucking masochist? The hell are you suffering like this, for?!"_

 _"Because I'm human, Yato," Kazuma said, quietly. "And my feelings for Veena are the only thing I have."_

 _"That's not the only thing," Yato said._

 _Kazuma lifted his eyes and saw Yato pointing to the name on his hand._

 _Names were so very precious to them. They were what bound them to their gods, a piece of the god's very life force, proof of their connection to them. His name was the most precious thing Veena had given him. It was the only thing of hers that he still had._

 _"'If it will save my master, I'll gladly return it to her.' That's what you told me, right?" Yato's eyes narrowed. "Well I'm calling in that debt. Give her back her name."_

 _Kazuma blinked. He stared at the ground, dully._

 _"You're right, Yato," he said, and he covered the name on his hand._

xXx

.

13.

The days that followed were quiet. What should have happened in the midst of a rainstorm or in the thick miasma of an ayakashi's storm, took place on a cool autumn night. The crickets were chirping. Fallen leaves rustled on the ground.

Because he couldn't defend himself, Kazuma agreed to let Yato give him a name. "I could give you the same name, if you want," Yato said. Kazuma shook his head.

"I'd rather that you didn't," Kazuma said, and Yato raised his hand into a halberd.

He called him "Harune," because he named him in sunlight. Just like how he named Yukine in the snow.

xXx

.

There was a help wanted ad in the heavens' newsletter.

"Oh, I know her," Yato said, as he peered over Kazuma's shoulder. "Kiki's the god of search engines. She was an anthropomorphized web crawler. A bunch of nerds started worshiping her. Can you believe that? What a bunch of losers."

"This coming from the biggest loser of all," Yukine said.

"Oi Yukine! If your master's a loser then what does that make you?!"

"It says she's looking for an experienced shinki." Kazuma turned over the paper in his hands.

"Well, why dontcha go for an interview?" Yato said. He leaned back on the futon with his hands behind his head. "If she likes you, I'll release you. A change of scenery might do you some good."

"Indeed," Kazuma said, and he carefully folded the paper under his arm.

 _It was dark inside except for the light of the candle flickering in the corner, and around them, the night was quiet. She was lying on top of his chest, a comforting weight against him, her hand resting flat against the collar of his robe._

 _"Thank you," she said, softly. "For not letting me go through with that. I just get so lonely," she said, and she shifted to look at him. "I'm glad that you're still here."_

 _He has never loved her more than this. This small, broken, fragile thing. A side of his goddess known only to him._

 _"Will you stay with me?" she asked, and he shifted her weight closer, nodding quietly._

 _"Always," he said, and she nestled against him, resting her face against the curve of his shoulder._

.

.

end.


End file.
